This Becoming

How much have I grown? Because I cannot see it.. I no longer maintain shallow relationships or connections. I no longer feel the need to run away from myself. I can sit with her most days and I scream at her on others. I no longer engage in self harming behavior; I am aware of the harm I do to my body in real time and work to curb those behaviors. My substance abuse is much more controlled. I have a job that allows me to have weekends and holidays off. I can take days off without being bullied about it. I have a partner who listens to me, understands me, loves me, makes time for me, and who is growing along side me. I have enough money to pay my bills and survive the month with little treaties. I have a decent relationship with my parents. I am active in my life; I reach out to friends and family when they cross my mind. I am blessed with a good relationship with my partners family. I am artistic, creative, imaginative, magical and have made space for that part of myself. I am a work i...

   Never have I ever considered blogging.  It is in my desperation to find affordable therapy, online resources, a lifeline of some sort, that I find  myself creating a blog for myself. A space where I can work out things mentally in an "artistic" way  and hopefully help a couple of people make sense of their own paths.   In my early twenties, I was more vocal on my social media platforms about trials I was facing. I shared the good parts of my life right along with the bad. During that time, I cultivated a small community of individuals who felt heard by the topics I was transparent about and the emotions I was able to put to words.  In my darkest time, I was able to cultivate a light within myself that drew lost and weary souls near.  It is my hope that this blog act as a light of sorts for the same purpose; if you found me, welcome home.  While most view social media as a blessing or this great technological feat, as a 90s kid, I find...