The Letters Never Sent

Dear_____,

 

I hope you are doing well. I am writing this letter to get some things off of my chest. I most likely will not send it, but, a part of me wants to just slip it in an envelope and mail it anyways.

We have never had a close relationship of any kind from the time I was little until now. I believe that probably has something to do with my mom, my dad (the child you didn’t want), and the attitude I was born with lol. I have heard that A was your favorite and dad was an accident in an already stressful time. Then came V and your idyllic image of a functional family was created.

I have attempted over the years to try to connect with you but only out of an obligation to the potential guilt I might feel later. But as I have lived most of my life without your connection, I don’t feel any desire to waste any more of my time or energy to connect with a person like you. I don’t feel like I am missing out on anything except the crippling anxiety that comes with being too close to you as we can see with your youngest children and B.

You have always doted on your other grandchildren as if it wasn’t you who didn’t take proper precautions if you couldn’t afford another child. And because you failed your youngest, you ended up having to raise her daughter for her. I am grateful you have B and you were able to salvage how you failed V through your dedication to her but I don’t think it absolves you of anything.

You are the reason we’re here and it seems as though you hate yourself because of it.

I most likely won’t be mailing this letter but I also am releasing myself from any guilt as you are perfectly capable of calling and messaging, you just don’t want to. And neither do I.

And I think that is perfectly reasonable for the both of us.

I don’t like fake niceties and I do not waste my time where my energy and love is not reciprocated.

I wish you well.

 

All the best,

Bethany

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