Episode 8

I am angry at the chokehold religion has on my fathers side of the family and I am unsure how I am supposed to process it. 
I removed all of them from my social media profiles and the weight I felt lifted was all the assurance I needed that I am making the right choice. 
I do not understand how they can claim to love me while looking at me like a cretin, like something that needs saving, when not a single one of them has lived a life I would care to live.

I see people constantly seeking the validation that never comes when chasing religion. 
I see the fear driving their decisions and the holier than thou attitude that comes when they have gone a month checking off all of the boxes of what their church has said they should do.

And yet, something is still missing.

There is a palpable loneliness in choosing to sacrifice your life chasing the ideals of man.
"God" cannot be confined to the pages of one of the most rewritten and out of context books known to man.
"God" cannot be fathomed by the minds as small as those who believe all other paths lead to eternal damnation.
In their pursuit of "god", they have minimized him to a sliver of what he is and require the rest of the world to do the same to pacify their beliefs.

It was in my pursuit of "God" that led to my deconstruction of faith in man made religions.
I believe god is so far out of our scope of understanding, as it is written in the Holy Bible and in other religious texts. 
When Arjuna looked upon Krishna he saw thousands of faces, when god spoke to Job, he said your mind would melt into pieces, so why do you think he gives a fuck what you are wearing, who you are loving, or where you have decided to feed your spirit?

I don't care to get into all the aspects of what I believe but I can admit I have deconstructed past the point of no return.
I did try to go back and use religion as my means of a spiritual life, but, after a bible study on the gospels of Jesus, and seeing how little he actually is involved (because he was running for his life because the mind of man is too small and primal to understand his concepts) it was affirmed to me that there is no one path. 
There is no one "god"
There is a singular source of creation and all of creation is tied together, deities, gods, creatures, etc..

How silly are we trying to box all of existence into a neat and tidy box called "god" and then waging wars in that name.

I hope my anger dissipates and I am able to look upon them again with anything other than rage for the curses they are putting over their children and the abuse they are perpetuating in the religion they have chosen. But until then, I am perfectly fine playing the role of the black sheep.


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